Deny.
While part of him continued his planning, thinking about how he’d escape the world if it came to it, the rest of him focused on his art. His pile of sketchbooks had long gone above his sitting height and the sky was beginning to dim, leaving him to take off the glasses he’d made as he switched mediums, materializing some wood but treating it like clay as he used his magic to sculpt it.
Altering the consistency of the material he’d made, he felt it shift and bend in his hands the way it never would have naturally, indulging in the sensation as he worked it into a small figure of himself before changing it again to a mask, and a tree from there, and so on repeatedly as more time went by until it was dark enough out that he accepted it was time to stop for the night and went inside to cook dinner, getting a warm welcome.
“Welcome back, you’re earlier than I was expecting,” Thera said when she heard him come in, perking up from the game she was playing with her aunt while Sonya smiled at him as well. “Productive day?”
“No, not really. I actually spent a lot of it in the backyard relaxing.”
The answer got him some strange looks. He wasn’t one to just do nothing and relax, at least not without reason but he didn’t give more of an explanation, instead moving to the kitchen to begin sorting out dinner for the night as he pulled ingredients down to begin his cooking.
Seeing something more was at play though, the other two followed, Sonya speaking first and sounding concerned.
“Is everything okay, Ben?”
“Kind of? I mean, not really but nothing unexpected at this point but it worked out so I don’t need to worry about working anymore. Hmm, maybe tomorrow I’ll focus on my cooking. I could go off and see what ingredients I can secure and then go wild with it. Yeah, that sounds like a pretty nice idea, doesn’t it?”
“And that also wasn’t an answer,” Thera told him. “What happened?”“...Alright. Long story short the gods got in my way again and then immediately tried to take advantage of me when I’ve been doing my best for this stupid planet and I’m sick of it so I told them I’m done. I’ve officially retired from doing things. I’m not awakening people, I’m not making things, and I’m not trying to save this world. The forgotten one is officially forgetting about whatever problems this planet has and focusing on using his last few months of life for himself.”
While Sonya’s eyes held concern and doubt at his statement, Thera’s were nothing but excitement she was trying and failing to hide and he knew exactly why for both, even without looking into their heads. The first didn’t really believe he could stop doing things, not given the way he normally lived, and as for Thera, this was a result she could happily get behind.
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She’d never wanted him putting his life on the line for the waves and she was absolutely against the idea that he should sacrifice himself to try and kill the demon’s god, and even if she viewed him achieving the levels he thought he needed for it as impossible in the time they had, if he was willing to quit then that just made things easier.
He wasn’t going to fault her for that mentality though, it wasn’t like he wanted her to put herself in harm's way either and if he’d already decided to quit then who was he to decide how anyone else might feel about that fact?
No, anyone could hold whatever opinion they would, it didn’t matter. While they were still processing his answer he placed their meals down in front of them before taking a seat himself to dig in, trying to enjoy what he’d made but barely being able to taste it.
His head was still a mess. He was still mad, he was still frustrated, and more than anything else, he was still planning on what he might do in the future with all of the chaos such thoughts brought him.
“Hey guys, would you… Sorry, ignore me.”
He’d almost asked if they’d leave the world with him if he could and abandon the war altogether but that was stupid for a number of reasons. He was sure that more than a few gods were watching, he didn’t want to let any of them know he was thinking about that, lest they try and get in his way again, and just as importantly, he didn’t intend to give Thera, Sonya, or anyone he knew a choice if he did it. Let them hate him for it if they would but asking them now wouldn’t change that when he fully intended for the people he loved to live.
They could both see there was more on his mind than that too but left it at that, giving him the room to process his feelings as the evening wore on.
Thera was nestled in his arms by the time they got to bed that night, seeming perfectly content while he in return stared at the ceiling above with the question of what he was even going to do for the night. Normally he would talk to the gods to pass the time in the evenings but he was still in no mood to see any of them but he still wasn’t in a hurry to sleep either, not wanting to deal with whatever hell his subconscious would see fit to put him through.
Deny.
He had another option though, one he’d never actually bothered to test. Supposedly, during his last job run he’d gained the ability to lucid dream, a skill he’d never had the opportunity to test because of how he’d usually spend his nights and one he didn’t even know for sure if he’d be able to pull off without practice first but decided that then was as good a time as any to see if it would work, and doing his best with that goal in mind, closed his eyes and tried to retreat into himself. 𝘳ά𐌽ꝋᛒÈṥ
It was a strange feeling, slowly falling to sleep. He could feel it happening and tried to keep his awareness of it and that seemed to work. By the time he was dreaming a thousand things at once, he felt fully aware that it was in fact a dream and his fractured psyche took control of the scene, bringing it to order as he changed it all into a single area reminiscent of Myriad’s realm. Just an infinite, empty expanse for him to work in.
“Which only leaves the question of what to do now then?” He sighed, not seeing anything to really make it worthwhile compared to just staying awake. “I guess I need to do this to let my body and mind get some rest, but…Whatever, I guess I’ll just keep planning.”
Since it was within the confines of his mind he was able to imagine things into being and doing so spent the night creating potential structures for a vessel to hold thousands along with the enchantments he’d need to place to power it, all for the goal of his potential escape.
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