Tales From the Terran Republic

“You are actually invited to the surface?” Captain Vexp said through Grace’s communicator, his face displaying an expression of annelid confusion and surprise. “Everything I have read indicates that they are difficult, insular, and spiteful, both literally and figuratively malodorous.”

Grace winced as a wave of stinky laughter from the ever-present horde of Freekegg washed over her.

“And those malodorous assholes are within earshot, you cocksucker!”

More bubbly flatulent laughter.

“Oh! Oh, dear!” Captain Vexp stammered, “Please convey my…”

“Thanks for fucking up the trade deal of a lifetime, sporelicker.”

Grace gagged a little at the “roaring” laughter that surrounded her.

“Oh, Heap!”

“And should I be unable to discuss this with you personally,” Grace said with mock anger, “They are also terribly proud and incredibly violent…”

“Just plucking your plume, captain dude,” Grace snerked. “These guys are awesome. Alan and I are getting along with them great!”

“And forgive Grace, Captain,” Alan said over her shoulder, “Our greeting-inducing hosts…”

Alan coughed as even more laughter threatened to render him unconscious.

“…enjoy such banter to no end. Grace was simply acting in accordance with their customs… and ours,” he added with a smile. “The Freekegg are so vile and difficult that they are nearly human. We are taking a short excursion to the surface to meet a number of curious individuals as well as having an audience with the ancestors. Quite the honor.”

“The ancestors?”

“Oh, they are—”

Alan was silenced by a slimy fleshy phallic pore-covered tentacle-sized protuberance wrapping around his head, covering his mouth.

It was very effective!

As Alan doubled over and somehow managed another greeting, no small feat considering the fact that he was nearly out of greeting juice, Grace said, “Oh, those? They are just some old monuments, but they are supposed to be really nifty.”

A wave of nauseating approval washed over the pair.

“I see…” the captain replied, unconvinced of nothing but the wisdom of not inquiring further. Then again, not inquiring further seemed to be the way to handle the humans. It was just easier that way.

“We gotta go and make us some serious bank!” Grace enthused happily. “Oh, and it doesn’t smell bad here at all. The station is wonderful as well. You guys should really check it out.”

“You really do consider us dim, don’t you?”

“HA!” Grace snorted. “Well, we have a planet to sniff. Later, boss.”

“You actually work for that stale poot?” GuruG asked after the call ended.

“As far as he knows,” Alan smirked as he finally recovered. “Sometimes, it’s better to have someone else ‘in charge’, if you know what I mean.”

“Another wonderful similarity between us!” GuruG laughed. “Come on, let’s get you respirators.”

“Oh, we don’t need those,” Grace replied.

“Yes, you do,” GuruG replied.

“I thought the surface was supposed to be better,” Alan said as he wiped the slime from his face with his tunic.

“It’s not for the surface,” GuruG replied, “It’s for the shuttle.”

***

Another strange membrane door opened, revealing a large chamber filled with large vats filled with writhing things, slowly rotating platforms surrounded by tentacles extruding goo that immediately hardened as it formed complex shapes, odd spongy structures that were constantly being sprayed with a foul-smelling liquid, beds filled with dirt from which parts were growing…

… and a few devices that looked exactly like manual lathes and milling machines. (Some things are truly universal.)

“Welcome to our main fabrication facility!” GuruG enthused, “You are the first others to enter here. You are also the first to be able to handle the unique atmosphere.”

“Barely,” Alan smiled. “This is fascinating… Grace! Don’t touch that!”

“I wasn’t going to, asshole!” (She was.)

“I bet you’ve never seen the like, have you?

” GuruG asked proudly.

“Not exactly this,” Alan replied, “Grace!” he exclaimed, “No running!”

“Is this macro-tech?” Grace excitedly gagged as he peered into one of the giant vats filled with… things.

“I don’t know what you are referring to,” GuruG replied, “But those lifeforms are in the process of building a rather complex device. Each one acts both independently and in concert with the others according to a production skein that contains the overall design. They are supplied with nutrients containing all of the proteins and minerals necessary to construct the design…”

He waved a protuberance over a slimy panel.

“…in this case, a sensor,” he said.

“Neat!” Grace exclaimed. “We have something similar, but we use macrobots instead of those wiggling things… and the (ugh) Terrans have full-bore nanotech… which is completely unnecessary most of the time. We have nanotech technology, too,” she added defensively, “but we don’t use it for everything.” (Because they can’t)

“Rock tech grow vats!” GuruG exclaimed, “Now that is cool! Can you hook us up with scans or your production skeins… and a way of interpreting them?”

“I’m sure we can work something out,” Alan smiled.

“Holding out on us?” GuruG inquired.

“Only as much as you are doing the same,” Alan smiled. “We would be all too delighted to exchange technology with you!”

“Especially since you will likely steal that technology and at no cost to yourself?”

“Are you sure you aren’t a human?” Alan asked to the delight of GuruG and the “machinists”.

“Now, here’s something I know you haven’t seen before,” GuruG said proudly as he led them to a smaller vat filled with a clear green gelatinous goop with an organic-looking framework above it.

“This is what we use when we want to make a small item quickly,” GuruG said as a plate slowly descended into the fluid. “It is here where we will fabricate the components for your respirators… They should smell no worse than the rest of the station.”

“Ooo!” Grace said, nearly plunging her face into the goop. “How does it work?”

“Once the plate reaches the bottom of the tank, a strong electromagnetic wave emitter transmits gammas with a wavelength of…”

He fiddled with a small electronic device.

“Nanometers!” he exclaimed, “Two hundred nanometers! This causes the low-viscosity gelatin in the tank to transform into a solid! I know this may be difficult to…”

He looked at Alan and Grace, who were looking suitably impressed, but smelling otherwise.

“You already have this, don’t you?” he said.

“For about a thousand years,” Alan replied. “We use, of course, use ‘rock tech’.”

“How?!?”

“Pretty much the same thing, except we use a metal ball screw and a servomotor to move a metal plate into a chemical resin, and we use an array of ultraviolet emitters to harden the resin.”

“You don’t use a single source and a masking organism?”

“We used to,” Grace replied.

“We did?” Alan asked.

“Yep!” Grace replied happily. “We used archaic liquid crystal to do the masking. Back in the cold dark, we made a few of ‘em. The resolution sucks, but it works great! An emitter array is much better, though.”

“Yes,” GuruG said, “But do you have different compounds that, when hardened, have different… Of course, you do,” he laughed.

“I suspect your ‘resins’ are much better than ours, though,” Grace said. “We have some great ones, but I suspect they are nothing compared to what you have. They are also a very expensive way to produce anything suitable for real service. Aside from one-off custom pieces, prototypes, and ‘toys,’ we use our robo facs for any serious work. Some of those use radiation-cured compounds, but those are usually just for coatings.”

“Oh,” GuruG said, secretly quite relieved, “Our photocoagulation machines create products that are more than suitable for regular use…”

He emitted what Alan and Grace already recognized as a ‘conniving’ scent.

“And are very stable, available with many properties, and could be provided at a very reasonable cost.”

“We would be very interested in that,” Alan said as Grace happily vibrated. “Our current ship’s fabrication facilities are… lacking.”

“If we could get information on the properties and handling procedures for your… ‘coagulants,’” Grace said, “that would be great.”

“They will have to be translated,” GuruG said as the organic plate emerged from the goo with two facemasks with various openings in the flexible rubbery material, “But we can have that well before you depart.”

GuruG reached out and pulled the parts from the plate, shaking them off.

“You can just touch them like that?” Grace asked.

“Yes?” GuruG replied.

“Awesome! Our resins are just a little bit toxic. At least the good ones are.”

“No guarantee that ours aren’t for you,” GuruG replied, “But they aren’t for us. We still rinse the parts off, just to remove the goo.”

Another Freekegg approached, holding a tray of freshly rinsed components.

“These were coagulated in other vats, each containing a different coagulant,” GuruG said as the Freekegg machinist efficiently assembled the various components into two rather nice-looking respirators with clear facemasks and external filters.

The machinist then offered the respirators to Alan and Grace.

Cautiously, the pair donned them.

“Oh, these (gag) are niiice,” Grace said, “Stinks to high heaven, but the fit is amazing! As comfortable as it is repugnant!”

She removed the respirator and started poking and stretching it.

“We definitely want to discuss these organic coagulants,” she said.

“I’m sure we can work something out,” GuruG said pleasantly as another conniving cloud wafted past.

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