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“Will she be alright?”
The thought echoed in his mind, but he knew the question was pointless.
She wouldn’t be alright. If someone else recalled the memories that Adriana had seen, they would be shattered.
He had been jealous. He had been forced to witness the deep bond she shared with others.
He wished he had been a part of it, but there was nothing he could do to change the past. He could only focus on the present.
He had never expected that others would regain their memories.
He had seen it through the Casket of Memories, but if someone else recalled their past lives…
…they would be in immense pain.
Adele might be able to endure it, but Miragen, who had spent so much time with Robert, would surely break.How many women could withstand the guilt of killing the man they loved with their own hands?
Robert’s arrival in the capital had triggered a series of rapid changes.
The masked figures, the Crown Prince Kaitel, the Four Dragons. No one else seemed to realize the danger posed by the Four Dragons, except for Robert.
Adriana, who had heard Robert was heading towards the capital, stared into space, her expression cold.
Sometimes, it was better to remain ignorant. She wouldn’t be experiencing this feeling of loss if she hadn’t read Robert’s memories.
Miragen was probably enduring that same agonizing pain right now.
It would be excruciating.
She would probably tear her own heart out, her body covered in wounds. If there was such a thing as a fated connection, it was between those two.
Their bond was so deep that the pain that came with it was unbearable.
She didn’t like it.
She didn’t like that she was shut out, that Robert and Miragen, Robert and Adele, shared emotions she could never experience.
But she couldn’t hate them for that.
Perhaps there would be a future where they could laugh together. She wasn’t even sure if they would remain by Robert’s side in this life.
Adriana worried about one thing.
She worried that Miragen would be so broken that she might never recover, that Robert would be devastated by the sight.
She could deal with everything else.
She might be harboring selfish emotions for a servant of God, but she had no intention of abandoning her feelings.
Her faith had started to change after she had seen Robert’s past, after she had realized her own feelings for him.
“I’ll pray for you, even if it doesn’t help.”
She hoped everything would return to normal, that the destiny, starting to take shape, would lead Robert Taylor to his desired outcome.
The rosary in her hand glowed, bathing the dark room in a radiant light.
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The sensation of a blade piercing her flesh, tearing through bone and muscle, the feeling of blood flowing and a life ending…a normal person would go mad.
Even skilled knights sometimes faltered after killing their first person.
She was slowly becoming accustomed to that feeling. She had experienced too many lives where she had never met Robert.
The feeling of killing someone she loved with her own hands.
How could she remain sane?
She couldn’t lift her head. She knew Robert was there, but she couldn’t face him.
She had seen his suffering, and she couldn’t pretend to be unaffected.
He had told her not to blame herself, but his words had only made her feel worse.
He had suffered for centuries, while she had been at peace.
Could she say she understood his pain? Could she ask for forgiveness and ask him to love her again?
It was impossible.
Red blood flowed from her trembling lips. She had tried to forget the memories, but the pain only made them more vivid.
She had beheaded the man who had smiled at her. She had loved him, but she had killed him out of resentment.
Her legs trembled, and she was about to collapse when Robert caught her.
He sighed softly.
“Are you alright?”
“…Ugh, ah.”
She couldn’t speak properly. Her mind was crumbling.
Her eyes were empty as she silently confessed her sins. She had realized her fantasies were real. She couldn’t help but blame herself, even if Robert didn’t.
Miragen’s feelings for Robert were just as intense as his for her.
The man she had met when she was worried about her position.
The man she had encountered in a fated meeting, where they had shared a fairytale romance. The happiness she had felt when they first met was the most fulfilling in all her lives.
That feeling had never changed.
Sometimes, she had seen Robert confessing his love in the palace.
Sometimes, they had met at the same ball.
Robert had been an ideal lover.
He had never lost his temper and had always shown her a smiling face.
But the Robert she remembered from this life was different.
He was dark, empty, and devoid of emotion.
He was more likely to frown than to smile. She had been worried about him, thinking he was close to death, but she now realized it was all her fault.
She knew he wouldn’t blame her.
She had lived countless lives with him. She knew his heart. But she couldn’t help but feel guilty when he held her.
The blue eyes that gazed at her were filled with so much concern that it made her heart ache.
She had been silent for so long, but she finally looked up.
It hurt to meet his gaze, but she knew she couldn’t keep avoiding it.
“Robert.”
She wanted to say sorry, but the words wouldn’t come.
Every time she looked into his eyes, she was reminded of all the lives they had shared.
The deaths he had endured, the pain she had witnessed. She had watched him die countless times at the hands of Kaitel.
He had been falsely accused of treason, tortured, and killed, and she hadn’t even known.
How could she not blame herself?
“I…”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
He knew what she was thinking.
He knew she was seeing the past when she looked at him. He had been worried since he had sensed she had regained her memories.
He knew she would blame herself.
That was why he had told her that he didn’t resent her. But seeing her break down like this made him uneasy.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
She had done nothing wrong.
It was he who had tried to die by her hand. If he had died alone, or if he had paid more attention to her, she wouldn’t be suffering like this.
“You don’t have to feel sorry.”
He knew that saying these words wouldn’t instantly restore their previous relationship.
He could feel her struggling to get away, even as he held her tightly.
It might be counterproductive, but he needed to say it.
But the distance between them widened. Miragen pushed away Robert’s arms, refusing to say anything.
She knew if she smiled at him, they could return to their previous lives.
“…I’m sorry.”
Her voice trembled.
Her vision was blurry.
She saw Robert die again and again, his head severed. Only darkness remained.
She hesitated to reach out to him, as if she was afraid of what she might do.
“I’m sorry. I…I’m sorry.”
Her feelings for Robert remained.
She had fallen for him again in this life, and her feelings had intensified after regaining her memories.
That was why it hurt so much.
How could she explain the guilt of killing the person she loved?
She felt a tingling in her ears, and his usually empty eyes looked like a bottomless abyss.
She had killed him, again and again.
Because of her.
Because she had wanted to be with him.
She knew that it was difficult to bridge the distance between them, but she didn’t know if she could approach him again.
She needed time.
Time to heal, until she had the courage to face him again.
Miragen walked towards the door, glancing at Robert. She couldn’t look him in the eye.
If she did, the hot breeze would feel cold. The world was darkening, the darkness almost complete.
She couldn’t imagine Robert’s expression. She was afraid to look at him.
Her hand trembled, then she clenched it and dropped it to her side. She was too ashamed to say anything.
She didn’t know how long it would take her to heal.
She walked away, a small tear running down her cheek.
Her lips were white from biting them.
Her face was a mess. She just wanted to be alone. She wasn’t sure if she could talk to him again.
She would be sorry for the rest of her life.
Thump.
She heard her footsteps echoing, walking through the empty corridor.
🚨 Important Notice 🚨
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She heard a ringing in her ears. She chuckled, walking away from him. The further she walked, the louder her sobs became.
She was sorry.
She was sorry, but she could never be forgiven.
She wondered if she could ever understand Robert’s feelings. She was unworthy of him.
She had killed him, and would never be able to make amends. She thought that as her legs gave out. She knew she was going to fall, but she had wanted to.
The pain of recalling the memories was too much to bear.
But as if denying her wish, she realized someone had caught her.
She chuckled softly.
It was probably a nearby servant. She quickly covered her face, afraid of scaring them.
“You don’t have to hide your face.”
His voice was gentle, familiar.
She had heard it so many times. When Miragen opened her eyes, she saw blue eyes.
But these eyes weren’t empty. They were filled with so many emotions, just like in her memories.
They were sparkling like jewels, like a sapphire with a touch of water.
Robert slowly stroked her messy cheek.
He had intended to let her leave, but he had changed his mind.
When would he see her again if he let her go?
He wouldn’t let her go. He had resolved to end the regressions.
He wouldn’t abandon everything he loved. He wouldn’t postpone it any longer.
Miragen would be in pain, and she might remain in pain forever.
Was it selfish to want to ease her suffering?
If it was, he would be selfish.
He had always been weak in front of her, but he would not back down this time. He would not yield.
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[Translator Notes]
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